my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
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