you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
