Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
