So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
