Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
