you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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