the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
