U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
