I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The air was thick with penises
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
