Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
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some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
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If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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