ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
