so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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