Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
