We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I love you.
Bad choice
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