i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
