smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
