No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
