I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
