based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
