david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Randomize
