party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
