He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
