I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
