She said her name was "party"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Farmville is her only friend.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
