I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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