Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
