Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
