Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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