are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
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Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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