So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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