So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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