she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
