Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
