Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
