I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
