i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
