So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
