I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
