all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize