the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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