For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
