with your own penis?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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