I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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