Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
