I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
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I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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