I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
