hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
people are starting to question the shark bite story
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
