I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
