my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
