at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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