I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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