Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
