so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
