what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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