i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
