Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
