he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize