Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
