No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
