I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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