I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
