i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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