How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
