When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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