apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You took a bar mat shot.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
