Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
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I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
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I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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