i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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