how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
